her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
