garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
COCAINE IS GR8
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
