pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
