She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
