Your dad touched me again.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dicks are not precious.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
