you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
