he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
