R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
