; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
