I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
