just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
