thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
