carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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