Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
