there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
