if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
