Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
