True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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