good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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