tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
