I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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