I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
home. puking in laundry basket.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
