Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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