So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
