She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
