I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I stole a fireplace last night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
