i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
