I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
