Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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