All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
