Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Randomize
