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I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
