All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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