If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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