lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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