did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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