I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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