I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
