Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
