everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
