I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Rumble strips road head = magical
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
