I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
