If i come over, it means nothing
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
