its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
