I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
