he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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