made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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