just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
