Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
