I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
