i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
