I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
