Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
