Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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