I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
