ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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