dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
