It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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