He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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