I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There's always time for handjobs
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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