every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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