just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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