one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
