I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
