dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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