the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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