thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
