her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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