First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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