It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
