Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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