Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
