i'm signing you up for texting rehab
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
