When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
