well I can't set my house on fire every night
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Randomize
