she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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