It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
