can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
