he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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