I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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