I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
