wakey wakey hands off snakey
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
