Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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