is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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