It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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