I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
