Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
