I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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