So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
