the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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