My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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