I think im going to throw up on grandma
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Alive.
So much puke
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
