Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
