Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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